dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I look better un-naked...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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