only if we run a train.
done.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
