Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
