I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
