I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
