I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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