My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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