Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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