So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
