I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
