I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
