I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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