Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
