Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
