Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
