I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
