I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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