What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
