even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
