member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
