Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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