I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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