Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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