the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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