I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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