mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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