so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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