On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
