Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
