Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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