TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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