I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're a waste of cheezeits
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
