I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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