OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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