Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
