I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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