I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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