I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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