You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
