im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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