I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
