did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
