Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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