i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Someone came in the potted fern
We need a shit load of segways right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
