I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
