tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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