babies were throwing up all over the place
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
