I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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