Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
