I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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