3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
