you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
