you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
