I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My feet surprised me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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