Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
