And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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