Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
