i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize