yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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