Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
