He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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