I wish I only lived at night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
