I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
