she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
