I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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