shes about as inviting as chlamydia
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
